oh dear

I haven’t posted over here in a while but I thought it was time I did. A and I are going through a really rough patch and I was very very close to leaving him. I actually had told my parents I wanted out. Two days latter I got some news that changes everything…at least I hope it will. We are expecting. I am only about 6-7 weeks along right now but still, I got a yes on the little pee stick. I finally used the doc find for my insurance and will be calling someone tomorrow. I want to see my midwife again but she’s not covered and we are not in a financial position to pay extra to get who I want right now. I do almost feel like I am cheating on her by choosing another midwife though.

I am not excited to tell my parents, but I know I will have to sooner or latter, and the sooner the earlier they can get over it right? I know they are going to ask what was I thinking and what not. I can’t have an abortion, it’s just a personal choice I cannot make. I am not pro-life, well I am but not to the point that I am anti pro-choice, I just can’t do it myself but I understand why someone would and I respect and honor that choice.

A lot of our relationship problems have come from the loss of our son. I can’t believe the nurse let it slip that it was a boy but I am glad to have known for closure. Some of you may remember, we lost him at thirteen weeks gestation and had a D & C to remove his remains (it was a missed miscarriage, or an incomplete miscarriage…I forget what they called it but his body had started to calcify within me) anyways, that loss caused a rift between us that we couldn’t fix on our own. Not that a new child or a new pregnancy will solve it, but it did open his eyes that this is a relationship he does want to work on and save.

He is going to get some insurance help from his work and see someone, and we will see someone together.

I anticipate the question “how did you let this happen?” Well…R was conceived with a misused or old condom, our son was conceived while I was on a low dose hormone pill that I was taking because the high dose/normal stuff made me MOODY! I was most recently using the nuva ring and really liked it’s convince and the way it dispensed hormones, they didn’t affect my mood much, but we hadn’t had sex in over four months because we had both hurt each other so badly that I wasn’t keeping as close a track when to put it in and take it out like I normally had been. I don’t think it was more than four weeks in (which technically is one more than they say but my doc said it can work up to 5 weeks in one out and I was trying to save a little money) after this one, I am getting mirena or another IUD for 5 years!

Well, the dinner was amazing. It was a nice twist on the holiday standards, but very very good! A helped me with the gravy and poured too much red wine into it (I bought a $2.50 bottle of merlot that was very drinkable) the green beans were AMAZING! A little on the summery side with the lemon and I tripled the proscutto, oh so good. That’s a dish I will make year round. The potatoes and onion gratin was good but definitely more of a fall/winter dish, but again one I will make again. I recommend that menu to anyone who is having a small holiday gathering or who want something fairly easy. The normal flavors, but not the traditional dishes.

My sewing machine is broken. Actually its just a really bad thread jam in the bobbin/needle section…you know where it goes up and down? I can’t get it undone myself and I don’t know what caused it. I really want to sew!! I want to finish the Christmas quilt I was working on (one more border to put on and then maybe a final boarder all around and backing!! Wahoo!) and I want to get started on R’s Dora quilt. I am going to be making it twin size! She’s in her toddler bed for now but I think we will be getting her a twin size bed soon if not then by her third birthday! I might get started cutting the fabric tonight if I get the chores caught up enough. I let them go for four days and look what happens!!

THANKSGIVING 2008

With Thanksgiving about a week away I have been humming and hawing as to weather or not I would actually make dinner. It's just the three of us and it seems like a lot of work for just three people. This morning I was watching Rachael Ray waiting for R to get up for the morning and she had a Thanksgiving special on and I thought, it’s worth it! If nothing else then for the practice for the year I do host it for family or cook with my mom again. I thought I’d share what I am making and doing for you all so that if you needed a place to start you have it. I think this will be fairly easy and I will make the Onion Gratian a day early and cheat by buying the canned cranberry sauce(I actually like that stuff, especially on my sandwich the days following the feast) a bagged salad (A and I don’t like the same dressings so no point making a big fancy one) and buying a good looking pie (last year I made three pies with only me eating them. This year I will just buy one, or a cake) oh and A doesn’t like home made mashed potatoes so I’ll use the box this time. So here is what I am making. (I need to get my mom’s stuffing recipe, basically you leave bread out for two days to air out in pieces and then sauté up some finely chopped onion-I use a cheese grater to get it perfect- and then stir it all together and shove it on in the turkey!)

MENU:
Brined Turkey
Gravey
Onion Gratain
Green Beans
Cranberry Sauce
Mashed Potatoes
Salad
Stuffing
Pie (of some sort)

SHOPPING LIST:
10 cups salt
10 cups sugar
Turkey
8 medium onion, chopped
6 cloves garlic
freshly ground black pepper
flour
red wine
2 packages Chicken broth
2 pound(s) green beans, trimmed
2 ounce(s) prosciutto, thinly sliced, cut into ribbons
2 teaspoon(s) minced fresh sage
1/4 cup(s) toasted pine nuts
1 lemon
3 pound(s) Yukon Gold potatoes
2 loaves white bread, left out to dry
1/2 cup(s) (loosely packed) fresh parsley leaves
2 cans cranberry sauce
1 good looking pie
Salad bag
Foil
Poultry thermometer

RECIPIES:
Turkey Brine
Ingredients
5 gallons water
10 cups salt
10 cups sugar
Directions
Fill a cooler with water, salt and sugar so it tastes like sweet seawater. Put turkey into cooler and leave in a cool location (garage for example) and let sit for 24 hours. Roast as usual, please note though it should take 15-20 minutes off the roast time. Let sit after roasting before carving.
To Roast
On Thanksgiving morning, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Drain the turkey, scraping off the spices, then transfer it to a large roasting pan and let it return to room temperature. Discard the brine. 4. Add the quartered onion, the garlic and 1 cup of the water to the pan and roast the turkey for 1 1/2 hours. Add the remaining 1 cup of water to the pan and roast for about 1 1/2 hours longer, or until an instant-read thermometer inserted into an inner thigh registers 165 degrees F. Cover the breast loosely with foil during the last hour of roasting to prevent it from browning too quickly. 5. Transfer the turkey to a cutting board.
Red Wine Onion Gravy
Ingredients
Pan drippings, plus butter as needed to make 4 tablespoons fat
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
5 tablespoons flour
1 cup red wine
3 cups broth (turkey, beef or chicken)
Directions
Take the roasting pan and add in medium onion chopped/diced and some chopped garlic to the pan. Stir around. Add a few tablespoons flour, stirring to mix it into the drippings season with salt and peper. Add the red wine to deglaze pan (scrape everything off the bottom). Lastly add broth and let sit until thickened up.
Sizzled Green Beans with Crispy Prosciutto and Pine Nuts
Ingredients
2 pound(s) green beans, trimmed
2 1/2 teaspoon(s) extra-virgin olive oil, divided
2 ounce(s) prosciutto, thinly sliced, cut into ribbons
4 clove(s) garlic, minced
2 teaspoon(s) minced fresh sage
1/4 teaspoon(s) salt, divided
Freshly ground pepper, to taste
1/4 cup(s) toasted pine nuts
1 1/2 teaspoon(s) freshly grated lemon zest
1 teaspoon(s) lemon juice
Directions
Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add beans, return to a boil, and simmer until crisp-tender, 3 to 4 minutes. Drain. Heat 1/2 teaspoon oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add prosciutto; cook, stirring, until crispy, 4 to 5 minutes. Drain on a paper towel. Wipe out the pan; heat the remaining 2 teaspoons oil over medium heat. Add the beans, garlic, sage, 1/8 teaspoon salt and several grinds of pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the beans are browned in places, 3 to 4 minutes. Stir in pine nuts, lemon zest and the prosciutto. Season with lemon juice, the remaining 1/8 teaspoon salt and pepper
Golden Potato and Onion Gratin
Ingredients
2 tablespoon(s) olive oil
1 teaspoon(s) olive oil
6 medium (2 pounds) onions, each cut in half and sliced
1 can(s) (14 1/2 ounces) chicken broth
3 pound(s) Yukon Gold potatoes, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices
3/4 teaspoon(s) salt
1/4 teaspoon(s) coarsely ground black pepper
3 slice(s) firm white bread, coarsely grated into crumbs
1/2 cup(s) (loosely packed) fresh parsley leaves, chopped
Directions
In nonstick 12-inch skillet, heat 2 tablespoons olive oil over medium heat. Add onions and cook 1 hour or until tender and deep golden brown, stirring occasionally. Add chicken broth and cook 1 minute, stirring. (Recipe can be prepared up to this point a day ahead. Cover and refrigerate onions until ready to use.) Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In large bowl, toss potato slices with salt, pepper, and onion mixture. Transfer potato mixture to shallow 3 1/2-quart casserole or 13- by 9-inch glass baking dish. Cover casserole and bake 1 hour to 1 hour 15 minutes, until potatoes are fork-tender. Meanwhile, in same skillet, heat remaining 1 teaspoon olive oil over medium-high heat. Add bread crumbs and cook 5 minutes or until toasted, stirring occasionally. Remove skillet from heat; stir in parsley. To serve, uncover gratin and sprinkle with bread-crumb mixture.

should have posted this on Friday

It’s been a while since I have posted here. I have had a few strange weeks at work. My hours have been cut but are now all over the board. It’s a little hard on the body but it’s not as stressful at work than it has been in the past. I open the next two days, but they are the weekend…it’ll be fun!

The most exciting thing that’s happened is I just bought a new pair of shoes. That’s usually an indulgence I don’t need. Especially if they are bought with no real need in mind. These are too frilly to wear to work but not too dressy. I am wearing them now with a pair of jeans and they work well but need a nicer top than what I am wearing.

I gave up on my Christmas craft project that I spent so much money on. It’s not really that I Am giving up on it as much as I can’t find all the things to go with it (lace, trim etc) here and I am losing my patience with it. I think the pressure of a deadline to get everything done in time is making me not want to even use the sewing machine. For now I have packed it all up, put it under my sewing desk and am letting it rest. I started a quick little quilt (a charm pack quilt) and will move onto my Aunt’s quilt since it’s been about two and a half years since we bought the fabric. I am willing to get back to work on the Christmas collection, but I am fine with it if I don’t finish it this year. I will have it PERFECT by next year. Who knows though. This means I will either wrap the bottom of the tree in fabric like I have in the past or I will buy a cheep tree skirt in the mean time.

I am looking for a preschool/day care for R. Just for a few hours a day four to five days a week. I think all she could handle at this point is four or five hours. Eventually we might think about all day daycare but right now we want just a few hours. She’s been pushing my buttons like there’s no tomorrow and I know it’s because I am not stimulating her enough but I just can’t. TO start with we don’t have other kids around, secondly we don’t have the money to buy all those toys and age appropriate tables, chairs, etc. and most importantly with working 35ish hours a week I don’t have the energy and patience to come up with all sorts of activities for her. I love reading books with her and playing (her favorite right now is either playing animals or her as mommy and A or I as the “baby”).

a little bit of everything

I posted a nice little post on my quilting blog, so for more detailed information you can check it out on allpeoplequilt.com and look for me (lisapotpie) but basically, I haven’t been sewing, I have been gathering fabrics sort of like bears and squirrels gather food for the winter. Today in fact I am going to go buy four more charm packs for Moda’s Isn’t Christmas Jolly? And some more Very Hungry Caterpillar, have I told you all about what I want to do with that one? I am making a few quilts (three?) and hopefully a nursery set with that collection, so I have to pace myself buying the fabric so it’s not like $300 at once! So far I have three panels and two fat quarters of the number pattern. I also am working on a block of the month quilt through a local quilt shop and will be trying appliqué for the first time on Sat!

Work is going alright. I didn’t get the ASM position, but I am not surprised, I think I am the only one who has shown interest in Butte for that position so I think they are keeping me at bay for other stores so I am available to go but I wish they would have considered me to train and then move me with some time under my belt before moving into a brand new store, but I am staying positive.

Last night A got off work at 10 and took the babysitter home then came into the store to see me. R was a ball of energy, they went home at about 11 and when I got home at 12 (midnight) he said she was just watching a movie in our room…wrong, she was out cold on the bed. I even made the bed over her without her noticing (my light sleeper too!) and I ended up sleeping in bed with her on A’s side and throughout the night she kept scooting closer to me. In the morning when the alarm was going off (she slept through that too!) she was right next to me. Each time the alarm buzzed she moved a little bit and ended up with her feet against my back and her head at the other side of the bed. Silly girl!

Not much else has been happening around here. We had a good Halloween, R didn’t want to wear her costume until we were back inside. Two year old logic I tell you! It was still fun though. We made it to three houses before deciding it was enough. She probably would have been able to handle about three more but we wanted to stop while we were ahead! She thought it was cool though and sorted and lined up all her loot. I remember doing that with my brother and trading candy…he got anything with peanut butter or sour and I got anything fruity! We need another kid sometime so she can have those experienced, but not until we buy a house!

10/22
I have had the urges to sew, but I can’t set myself down. Not with such a messy house. I went out today and bought some storage tubs for the fabric. I know you are supposed to let the fabric breath, and I do with fabric that has no immediate plan on a shelf sorted by color but for projects that I am collecting for I have been using shoe boxes and it just felt so chaotic with different shapes and colors. More importantly I wasn’t able to see the beautiful fabrics and remember the projects I wanted to work on. I bough five….I need several more =) I love organizing and reorganizing my fabric. The fabric/laundry room is MINE, no one else goes in there, everything has it’s own place. Ahh the one place in the house that always has order to it.

I bought a little bit of fabric today. Nothing much, but I bought two panels of the Hungry Caterpillar collection from Ben Franklin (I should go back tomorrow for one more) and a few charm packs (Moda’s Isn’t Christmas Jolly) and some jungle animal flannel for either a baby quilt for my co-worker or maybe for the front. I don’t know yet but I saw it and had to pick it up. She told me today the baby’s theme will be jungle! I don’t know what I will make for the quilt but I saw the fabric, and you know how it goes. I just couldn’t walk away from it.

Right now I want to fold laundry…I NEED to fold laundry. I need to put some sense of order in the living room and the kitchen…probably my bed room too before I pull the sewing machine out again. I can’t though. I can never do anything when R is crying and fighting night nigh time. I want to scream too but it won’t do any good. I thought by two and a half (almost) we’d be past this night nigh trouble but no. It’s still going strong. Actually, what’s interesting is it’s only bad on the nights that A isn’t home. He has been home the last week and a half (using up vacation time before he lost it) which has been nice and bad at the same time. He didn’t do any house work and for some reason I can’t do any when he’s home but I want him to help me. Odd isn’t it?
10/24
I had to date this entry because I never finished it! I could have posted that one and then written another entry but I would have published them both today and you all would have been confused. A went back to work today and worked an 8-5 shift. I did two more loads of laundry. Folded everything except those last two loads…which one is in the dryer and one is in the washer so I am not behind yet…my goal is to fold them tonight, maybe tomorrow depending on how late it is when they are done. I did one load of dishes and just put the second in and going. (I am waiting on the dryer so the washer is done using hot water.) I (GASP!) cooked dinner! I also wrapped several Christmas presents that I had bought in the past few weeks for Santa but didn’t have any Santa paper.

I have started another blog (I know I am up to three!!) on allpeoplequilt.com You can find it on the homepage when I write something new and exciting about my quilting. I am hoping by having one over there too, mostly just for quilting, I will stop boring all of you with it and get some ideas and feedback. Those ladies have so much knowledge, practice, skill…oh I can’t wait to pick their brains and share with them. I am not abandoning you all here, but just expanding my horizons.

Speaking of quilting, I haven’t’ started anything new yet. I haven’t even moved my machine in the past two or three weeks. I just haven’t been able to with time, energy, or guilt.
Maybe on my next day off!

thoughts

We got our dishwasher a few days ago…I love it! But the real reason for sharing this information is that R has found a new toy. I cut a little “door” on the box and put it in her room to play with and for the past few days it has sat there, ignored. Today with her watching I put a few of her favorite things in there and called it a house and instantly she is inside it playing, sorting and storing all her special treasures. She is quiet and happy in there. Finally I have a moments peace (she’s been in my business all day!)

During this pause of attention seeking I am pinning J’s quilt. Yes pinning…not sewing because I still have not finished the last project (I need to go buy two more colors for the quilt that will go with the tree skirt/aprons/pillows) I also need to get some purple thread for aunt J’s quilt before I can sew any of it no matter how many pieces I pin together right now.

It’s trying to snow outside. Thus far it hasn’t been successful but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t tried. I would love to try and get this apartment winterized before it really hits with the extreme negative temps but since we are renting it’s kind of hard. I also need to try and figure out some other ways to try to insulate and protect the home. Have I mentioned I hate snow? Ok I don’t hate it, I just don’t like seeing it for seven months. I also HATE the cold. I am one of those people who are still wearing a sweater in the 70’s! I hate having the chills and I love warmth, but I don’t mind bundling up (to a point) to stay warm. My limit is if I am wearing a cardigan and a sweater or a sweatshirt, two pairs of sock s(maybe tights too) and a blanket and am still cold. I don’t do much housework when I am cold because all I want to do is cuddle.

R has been getting out of her crib in the mornings and after nap time if I am not quick enough but last night she got out of it on her own and wouldn’t go to sleep. After two hours of Cailou and then an hour of (not age appropriate but at 3 am you don’t care) Family Guy A tried to put her down (I was half asleep and he had just come home from work) and we herd her crying in her room and it got closer and closer. We decided not to get her and put her back because it would have dragged out the process so she slept on the floor of her room by the door last night. A has this week off so he will be converting her crib to a toddler bed and then I guess we need to start to think about a twin bed for her. Her crib will convert to a full size bed but if we are thinking of more kids I’d rather have her in a toddler then a twin and save the crib for the next one. If we don’t have any more, or if she needs a bigger bed then we can change plans later.

I have been trying to think of what I want for Christmas. I know it’s a few months away but I don’t NEED anything. I’d like some fabric, or gift cards to get fabric, I could use some new towels and a tune up on my sewing machine. I don’t know though. I’d like so much but need so little.

learning new tricks

I haven’t posted in a while. I actually wrote one post and deleted it because it didn’t make sense, not even to me but I wanted to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper…or computer and try to sort them out. I focused too much on the explanations instead of the feelings and just scrapped the whole idea.

I found a really cute quilt shop in town. I knew and had visited one already and while it had lots of fabric and nick knacks it never felt like a place I could take a class from. It just seemed too business oriented not necessarily the love of fabric and the love of quilting. I am sure that passion and love is there but I don’t feel it the instant I walk in the doors. I found a new place that has that love, warmth and passion. I visited there two weeks ago and had such a wonderful time I sent a thank you card, signed up for the mailer, and a block of the month class. They also have a sit-n-sew on Wednesdays that if I don’t have to watch R, I will go to! I bought a bag to haul things to and from with…a little feminine briefcase/purse. I am missing the first class, but told the gal I would be back. She is going to cute me a kit and when I have a sitter, call her and she will go over it with me! Here’s the info on the class:

Block of the Month Seams Like Murder
Created to accompany the book written by Arlene Sanchez, this quilt has a scene of Flathead Lake in the middle and pieced blocks as the outer border. The (fiction) story is about a murder at a lodge on Flathead Lake in Montana and each month includes the quilt block kit and a chapter from Arlene's book. Monthly as an evening class or a Saturday class in the store or you can participate with the mail order program if you live out of town. $35 includes kit.
Such a nifty idea.

I am currently working on that Christmas project, but I had to set it aside because I don’t know how to follow patterns and reached a frustrated point! I set it aside and started cutting the fabric for Aunt J’s quilt that she bought the fabric for. I am really excited to get started on that. I am also working on a block of the month thing through JoAnn’s (its all available I just need to buy blocks 5-12 and the setting kit…and maybe the backing kit if I don’t find my own backing) that I am trying to hand sew. Add that to this new block of the month kit and I have four project in the works. I don’t think that it what I meant when I said I wasn’t going to stick to my resolution of finishing a project before moving onto the next. I am JUST CUTTING J’s quilt since I started but I can’t sew until the project on the machine is cleared off. I am not changing the tread on the machine =) I also am hand sewing that block of the month and so I can do it when we need to be quiet or I can take it with me…so that doesn’t count really but I do need to make sure I don’t open the next block before I finish the one I am on.

Speaking of that, I realized while working on this first block…I don’t know how to hand sew. I don’t know how to make the stitches even, what the stitch should look like or the basics like how long the stitches should be…I need practice and I wish I could see how someone does it! I am half tempted to just throw it on the machine because I KNOW how to do that but then where would the learning curve be?

I need to clean before sewing today, hopefully I can make some progress on both during naptime! The kichen is getting clean slowly but steadily, R’s room is going to take a little bit but not as bad as it was a week ago, and the living room is good until it comes to my desk and quilting area! Ahh, progress

dishwasher!!

My new dishwasher should be here any day now. It can’t get here soon enough. When we ordered it from Home Depot last Wednesday the kind gentleman said it would be in the store ready for pick up in seven to ten days. Yesterday was day seven. Not that I am counting! I think if I get the call today we might be able to go there tomorrow but most likely it will be Sat or Sunday! I am thrilled.

I know a simple machine like a dishwasher won’t solve all my housecleaning problems (and boy am I frustrated and overwhelmed by the housework that needs to be done and how I can never get ahead) but it definitely is going to take some of the weight off my shoulders and let me focus my energies in other areas. Dishes have been a battle for A and I since we moved in here. The first few months were alright, I was able to stay on top of them and if I wasn’t it only took one day off of work to catch up. Since then I have given up in the kitchen.

I have been trying to hard to keep on top of the messes that “Hurricane R” leaves behind her that I gave up several battles in the house cleaning world. I let the laundry pile up until I have two days off in a row (and by pile up, I mean I wash but don’t fold or put away) I don’t deep clean anything anymore but want to and have the urge to until I see what mess is left in the last room and have to go take care of that before it spreads. I have given up on the kitchen as much as I hate to admit it and I let A and my bedroom get out of hand…just junk that about two hours of hard work it would be SPARKLING with windows washed, curtains cleaned and walls scrubbed but I just don’t put forth the effort anymore. I hate that I let it all go but am overwhelmed by it all!

Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas on how to re-inspire me, get me back on track and give me my clean house that I was once so proud of!?
The dishwashers a start!

vacation...in the works

Ahh Fall. Actually this time this year it’s not fall-like yet. I am actually enjoying these last lingering warm days of summer, especially since this summer was not that intense and even was chilly some days. I love the lightweight sweater days. I am a sweater kind of gal. I love to wear them with jeans, slacks, skirts and dresses. I like them because I always feel safer and more comfortable in them. I haul a cardigan around with me wherever I go during the warmer months and wear one under my jacket in the cooler months. I love sweaters. I only own about four, so they are well worn, Maybe I need to ask for some for Christmas.

The great part about these warm days is I don’t have cabin fever. I am actually looking forward to those cold days where I don’t want to go outside and run errands, but at the same time I am enjoying running all the errands I can now without worrying about snow, or bundling myself and R up. I have been stocking up on things to do, and as I have mentioned I have lots of quilt projects in mind. Lots to keep me busy and entertained. I am going to take my tip money this week and get some books by my favorite author and put them in my bedroom for those cold days when all I want to do is curl up with a good book under a warm blanket.

I have talked to A and made an update on my resolution to never start a project without finishing what I am working on. I know this is my least favorite part (the sandwich) and I like the quilting part but I get bored with it especially on my small machine with limited space, but we have agreed I could make lots of tops this winter. There is a reason behind that. Let me back up and tell you more to the story.

A few years ago my mom and I went with two of her friends on a Shop-Hop, the 2005 Western Washington Shop Hop to be exact you can get information about it at http://www.westernwashingtonquiltshophop.com/ ). We found a few shops we would visit again and a few that were great for the shop hop but not something we’d drive all that way to gather material from. We had lots of fun memories and lots of time spent telling stories. I was young (this was the summer before I became pregnant with R) and really let my mind wander and enjoy the time away from school, work, and responsibilities. It’s wonderful to get lots in a world of fabric. I still have not finished, nor even started, the blocks from the shop hop…I have been very intimidated by them so far (I have my moms and mine in a box in the laundry room) I plan to start and work on them slowly (this is one of the exceptions to the rule, I will work on blocks individually when I have time and need something to keep my hands busy between projects) and finish them before the next one I move onto.

I was looking online at In The Beginnings Fabrics and did an MSN search for the Shop Hop. This year it’s in late June, the 24th-28th. I wanted to go back and do the hop again with my mom but having R I didn’t think I could for a while. Then I thought about it, the Pacific Northwest Historics is always the 4th of July weekend at Pacific Raceways in Kent, WA (information about this event can be found at http://www.northwesthistorics.com/ ) My family has been involved in these races since the fifth year or so…so a long time. I have missed the past two or three races because I took my vacation in early June to be with my family instead of trying to make it to the races with a baby. I miss them. This year I will go to the shop hop, then rest a few days and go to the races and rest a day or two and come home. A two and a half to three week vacation. I am saving up all my tip money and anything else A may give me after gas and groceries for these events.

That is part of why I am only going to work on the tops of quilts, because I want to save my money for more! Also there is a fabric outlet near Boeing Field/the Museum of Flight in Seattle that has wholesale discontinued fabrics. A whole warehouse of them! I forget what it is called, I want to say Pacific Fabrics but that might be another store I go to often. I was thinking of saving money and buying all my backing fabric for tops that I finish this year that are not recipient specific gifts and finish them next fall and winter, using this fall and winter to explore new patterns and next year to explore new quilting techniques. This plan may fall to pieces when I miss making tops or when I start to build up too many but it’s an idea for now. The backing fabric doesn’t have to match the top…in fact it could match, it could be similar, it could be complementary or it could have nothing to do with the top at all, that’s why it’s on the backside! I think if this pan does work though I might ask A or my parents for a quilting loop to try my hand at hand quilting. I love my machine but it I am working on new techniques next year might as well try something totally new! We will see though!

I can’t wait for my vacation in June, but I need to get to work on some of these projects before I go and get new ideas and new inspiration. I also really need to work on setting aside my cash for this! If nothing else, I deposit a small portion of my paychecks into an account A doesn’t have access to to build up some emergency money…I could use some of that and then rebuilt it up. That’s my money (ok I don’t play that game with him mine vs. yours it’s all ours) and needing fabric, I think that’s an emergency! =)

whine fest

I had a meeting with my manger today and it didn’t go as well as I had hoped. They have seen me struggling lately, which is unfortunate. I thought I hid my troubles better than I do and am saddened by the fact that I am letting things show. Work has been feeling like a burden, but I don’t want to go home either. When I have been home I have just felt drained and don’t get anything on my list accomplished. A and I are not communicating well and it feels to me we aren’t even together just cohabitating. I haven’t wanted to write about the problems because it seems like that’s all I do is dwell on what’s going wrong, what I am unhappy about. There’s no resolution and when I came home today I asked A to find a sitter for later on today so we could go out to lunch and talk or something because I can’t keep quiet anymore. He’s still sleeping. It’s quarter to 1. I asked him this over two hours ago. I want things to work with him and I am trying my hardest to work things out together but it has been feeling one sided and I am tired of putting forth the efforts if I am the only one. I might write about the specific issues later (nothing huge, honestly. I’ve just let it build up and up and up and am at a breaking point) but I need to have that conversation with him first.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about quilting, but not doing it. I am working on these aprons for Christmas presents and tree skirts too, but I can’t find all the supplies I need for them in this town. I wish I knew someone who was a real sewer who could help me with these but I don’t and my mom’s a quilter like I am (better than I am at this point) I don’t get how to follow patterns, how silly is that? You’d think if you have some sewing know how you could cross apply anything but I can’t!! I am stuck with quilting for the moment though because I won’t let myself move on until I finish this. It’s all too expensive to buy fabric and not finish a project before moving onto something else.

I wish that I had more money than we do so that I could be at home more often and maybe that would help us have a happier home. I would work harder at cleaning the house if I didn’t have to clean work so much and work so many hours outside of the home. I always thought I’d be with someone who could provide for me and that I would work because I wanted to. I never thought I’d be supporting the family with his income supplementing mine. I will admit our pay checks are about the same but I also have all of us on my insurance (therefore out of my check) life insurance, a 401K and stock investment coming out of my check. I know A won’t be able to provide for me in retirement the way we are going now so I am trying to provide for both of us and save up for things…he’s such a spender.

I also wish I could afford nicer quilt fabric and to do and spend more on quilting itself. I have so many ideas and plans and hopes for quilting that I just can’t keep up with it. I know I have been writing about quilts a lot lately. It’s easier to think about that and work on those than it is to work on relationships and so much more fun than cleaning house. I have designed three quilts loosely based on pictures I have seen, or rather inspired by with indeed stealing some details (so I don’t think I can sell or take credit for them since I did use ideas already in print) I wish I was more like my mom where her husband (my dad) provided and what she earned was for herself and for fun stuff for all of us. She has no problem going to a quilt shop and buying kits and any fabric she likes. I have to think long and hard about it.

For example I just bought a kit online at Joann’s (where I get all my fabric, I can’t go to the nice shops even thought they have higher quality fabric, more selection, and more help from the staff) and I spent about a month looking at it wanting to get it but waiting for some extra money and even when we had that money, I asked A first. He doesn’t ask me first but that’s a whole different issue. There are three books I want on quilting, but am too embarrassed to ask A for them. I want Quilt Pink, Quilting 101, and Simply Strips and Squares. I’d like some Jelly rolls and/or Charm Packs to go along with that last one, but I don’ think I can get that all for myself. Maybe my gift exchange person this year, or mom, or AJ or A. or maybe I will buy it for myself and wrap it up so I have SOMETHING under the tree this year. The kit I got from Joann’s is going under the tree. I am worried that if I don’t get myself some things it will be disappointing this year again! I want to give R and then A great Christmases but I need to take care of myself too. I know my mom always got herself things and I never knew how she could stand to know what was wrapped up for her (by her) under the tree but now I know. If she didn’t there might not be much for her! Plus this is how I have been justifying paying so much for things I don’t NEED!

I should go now and try to cheer myself up. Any ideas?

IDEA!

Here’s an idea for someone who is more technologically savy and more creative than I…maybe I should keep this idea for myself but I want to share and see if someone can come up with something:
A computer program or website where one could enter how much fabric of a certain color or pattern they have in their stash and the level of skill/difficulty they are interested in working within and could have a few options for quilt patterns. I have a young but still lovely stash that I am excited to see how I work through at some point. I have a few people who have given up sewing for whatever reason and have passed down their stashes (mom….please? Someday? No, she’s too much of a quilters still, but I love to raid her stash anyways) and I don’t know what to do with some of the things. I am still at the collecting point but still, I’d love to see something like this available. I guess it would work best if you could scan in a swatch or something of your fabric with detailed description being a second choice but then it could arrange the colors for you so you could imagine what it would look like. I know there’s a lot of software for how to design your own quilts, but I don’t think any of them work backwards where you say what you have, what can I make…most are you can make this if you have/get these.
Just a little idea

fabric inspirations

I was at Ben Franklin yesterday picking up some paper for our “green apron” at work and strolled through the fabric section quickly (they were about to close at 6, and it was about quarter to) and saw some fabric from Eric Carle’s book The Very Hungry Caterpillar and they had two patterns for free to take. I grabbed both because I didn’t have a chance to look closely at them to see if I liked them or not, but I have always loved that book, especially now with R. When I got home I looked them over and like one pattern (from Fons and Potter I think) and am not in love with the other from www.andoverfabrics.com I like the basic idea of it, but not in practice. I am thinking about grabbing my notebook and trying to come up with something I like better. I have now graphed out four quilts in my notebook but this is one that would actually take more brainwork and trouble shooting since I don’t have an image to work off of. I guess this is what real designers do, they look at the fabric and see it, maybe play around on a design wall (which I would love to have) and what pencils with erasers are for.

So many people I know are having children right now, it’s the age I am at, it’s the phase of life I am in. The 20 something’s are the time to get married have kids, start first families (alright I am being cynical with that one). I am going to make a nursery set with the caterpillar collection and maybe someone will mention how they like that book or something and I can give it to someone. I am going top save up my tip money and go buy oodles of the fabric so I can make everything…a few crib sheets, a bumper, a crib skirt, a coverlet, maybe a pillow or something for decoration, some window valances, I have the instructions for a message board but I never used for R’s room (though I never finished her room, after the bumper I realized I wasn’t in love with the fabric I got for it all and stopped there!) a toddler quilt and then a twin size….you didn’t need to know all that, but there it is for you. I will go buy a storage tub for it all to go into and when someone wants it, I will give it to them. I love it all, but I have ideas for my other children so far. I know A will roll his eyes at this, but who knows, maybe it will be a gift for one of his friends.

In unrelated news…I know you were all looking forward to some non-quilting stuff, I asked a girl to lunch. She went to school with me, but we never were in the same circle. She lives in town and is a regular at my store so one day I finally had the guts to say “hey, would you like to go to lunch or something?” and she said yes. I figured the worst she could say is no, I am too busy or have enough friends. It turns out she is like me and doesn’t have enough friends who still live in town and are settled. She just got married and isn’t doing the whole single thing which many people I know in town are doing. She is even interested in bringing R along to lunch. I am glad I asked even though it’s awkward. At least she was on my turf when I asked. I think that’s what gave me the confidence to ask.

I am getting really tired of this apartment, even though it’s not the apartment itself that is the problem. I am really frustrated with R and A, but it’s easier to blame the building than the people. I just can’t get this place clean for the life of me. I realize a new place wouldn’t be a solution, but I am almost out of ideas on how to organize things here. I had the last two days off and was planning on cleaning and sorting through things like I mentioned in one of my past posts but R has been sick and clingy and whiney so all I did was sit on the couch and cuddle with her and watch cartoons (thank you Sprout!) I got a few odds and ends sorted, mostly laundry since I could sit on the couch with her while folding it. I wish I had more done. I have today and tomorrow where I work and then the next two days off again. (nice but then I have a long haul in the following week with only one day off, and even then I have to go into the store for a meeting) I could have made so much progress but instead I cuddled. I guess that’s important too but not as productive. Hopefully this week she feels better, or at least sleeps better during nap time so I can get some chores taken care of.

I swear I do more than play wiht fabric but...

Today I stayed at work for about 45 minutes to have some alone time. It was nice. I was going to read a book that I bought from work, The House at Sugar Beach by Helene Cooper (not a light read but she is such a good storyteller it pulls you in). Instead I sat down to try and design and figure out a quilt that I sound a picture of at http://www.allpeoplequilt.com/projects-ideas/decorating/decorating-quilts_ss11.html (the middle one) I wanted to find something or come up with something that would allow me to use those 2 ½” squares I have been cutting from my left over fabric. I figured out how to make two that will look similar but not matchy-matchy. I wish I had a scanner so I could show you what I mean by that, but I guess I will try to describe them.

So when you look at that image you see a quilt with lots of mismatched color squares arranged checkerboard style with a plain color. There are three borders (in this instance the first one is pink, then the plain color and then green). There are also these strange boxes in the quilt which I debated if I wanted or not, but I think I do. In this one they are outlined by the outer order fabric. In my first design I followed this pattern to almost a T. I have the boxes outlining the quilt only one square in. They are five by five and seven blocks between them all. There are 10 squares total. The second is designed with the same borders and squares and spacing but instead of being checkerboard style the colored squares are more like blocks with the white/plain base being like streets that run parallel/perpendicular to each other. My plans for these quilts (when I have enough squares…I need something like over 800 for these two to be twin size) are for a guest room which I am only assuming will also be my sewing room. My plan is to have a day bed with a trundle in there so that we can have two guests without taking up too much space when no one is visiting. I figured out the pattern, the cutting needs, the fabric needs. I am proud of myself, but it wasn’t a complicated concept. It just took me some time to draw it out and do some calculations. It was actually really fun!

I just bought a quilt kit online. It is my first one that I have bought but I don’t anticipate it being my last. I do love taking a pattern and going to find my own fabric to personalize it, but this was on clearance ($27!) and has cute fabric. I think that it will be a nice gift for someone, I don’t need it for myself but I couldn’t pass it up. The kit will actually be a Christmas gift from A to me. I also bought my first quilt block of the month…I bought the first two blocks and am eager to see hoe that turns out. I am really excited about all this quilting. I just need to get some more free time! My friend will start taking R more regularly, so I might just get the chance to do so!
Now that R is down for the night I am going to get stitching!

stashes of sorts

I am working on sewing up some Christmas crafts…the ones I spent so much money on the fabric for (and have very little left over, just enough to make a quilt with, a little throw quilt at least. I have a little scrapbook for my quilts and what not and even though these gifts are not quilts, I think I will include them as well. They are still a part of my learning experiences. My scrapbook is actually really cool, it’s not to scrappy, not too bookie. I have pictures of each finished quilt, little scraps of fabric from them (sometimes just glued down other times used to boarder the pictures) and little stories about the quilt. It’s a great way to see how my quilting has changed as well as remember who the quilt was for, why I made it, and I don’t have to keep all my quilts to show off my art!

I have also been working on trying to better organize my stash. I have a lot of things in various shoe boxes, which works since I can label them but I would love to get several plastic-see through boxes so I can see what fabrics I have, so I can re-use the storage containers, and to have consistent sized/shaped containers. I am going to ask for those for Christmas from A I think, but maybe I will get them for myself and say they are from Santa. I have also been trying to figure out what to do with the random sized pieces left over from projects. For a while I was keeping them regardless of the dimensions in a Ziploc bag. The last quilt I finished I cut a bunch of 2 ½X 2 ½ squares for it and had a bunch left over. I saved all those and thought, what a neat, consistent way to save pieces. I have always wanted to do one of those mosaic like quilts (water color?) and what better way to start a stash for that than from a stash too small to really save. I went back through that Ziploc bag of things tonight and cut them all down. It is still relatively small and not enough variation to show an image yet, but it’s a good solid start. Plus I will remember my other projects at the same time when I see those scraps and bits.

I had the chance to go up to my co-workers house this past week. It was a wonderful time, she has such a warm inviting house in the mountains. Something I dream of but I don’t think I will have, especially since the city-girl in me comes out every once in a while. I’d love to live somewhere that we couldn’t get TV reception and would have to read, and talk, do puzzles and keep each other company more. I think it would be good for A and my relationship. I also got to meet my co-workers neighbor who is a quilt designer. I thought that sounded glamorous, challenging, exciting, and fulfilling. After meeting her on a busy day I realized it’s a lot of work and a lot of pressure too. I don’t think it’s something I would enjoy, but give me a pattern to quilt without a deadline and let me enjoy it!

I was inspired to try and create that cozy home feeling though. I know I could do it if I took the time to 1) clean 2) sort through the things we don’t use and don’t need 3) added some stuff to the walls and at the same time de-cluttered our rooms. I have tackled the kitchen. I re-organized everything except the cupboard above the sink which needs it the most (all of R’s sippy cups, plastic bowls and what not’s) I have caught up on the dishes, I have scrubbed some of the cupboards and walls (one half the kitchen so far, tomorrow maybe the other side and the fridge!) next is the laundry room which will also be the easiest, then the closets, the bathroom, R’s room, our room, then lastly the living room….so counter-clockwise throughout the house. I am especially motivated to do this in case we have to move soon (fingers crossed out of this town!)

plans

After so much time thinking babies, I am moving onto my other passion again, those lovely quilts. I have figured out how I want to quilt that bright green and yellow quilt. Thus far I have only done “stitch in the ditch”, which has worked well for all the quilts I have done. I have one tie-quilting, and one with sewn on buttons. But for that quilt I am going to outline quilt the pattern. That way it will be a simple basic quilting skill, but something new and with a quilt that doesn’t have strait seams the whole way along it will be nice. I will probably do it in yellow thread but I keep thinking black would look cool too. The backing is going to be this nice yellow sweatshirt material. Who would have thought? It was given to me by one of my regulars at work. She actually gave me a whole bunch of fabric, most of which I will never use, but some will be used in ways that were never expected.

Several of the co-workers I got close to this summer are returning to collages. I am sad to see them go, but I know how much fun I had in school and how much I want to go back myself. I made an offer to each of them that when they come home for a break, to have dinner with me. I also offered to send them cookies and care packages, or even just cards when they need something to cheer them up, or just because. I asked them to tell me when they are having big tests, and give me their addresses. I can’t wait to send off the first package, with cookies and a card, and maybe something else. I don’t know but I can’t wait. These two young ladies really touched me and I am excited to see where they go!

blab

I asked a friend to take R for a few hours a week so I could reconnect and rediscover who I am as a person. I offered to pay, because that was only fair. I even said if she wasn’t up to it with a busy school year if she knew someone who might like the job that would be fine but she took it. And she turned down the pay. She has given me the greatest gift! I don’t know how to show my gratitude or how to thank her but I will figure something out. I really need to find happiness within myself. I need to find the things that I enjoy doing on my own. The first few weeks I will probably nap, clean, hopefully quilt and read. After that, we will see what calls out to me. I can do all those things with R around, but it’s going to be nice to have the place to myself and be by myself even if I do nothing. I love R to death and am a wonderful mother, but with working so hard and so many strange hours and then being around R the rest of the time I need to have some peace! Is this selfish? Probably, but I think I will be a kinder, more patient more attentive mommy if I take care of myself first!

An update on that baby fever junk. I went to the store that had the cute girl set that I wanted and their last one was sold. Bummer!! I guess I will have to keep my eyes peeled and look for either cute soft fabrics or another bed set…again why am I so fixated on this? I know our next baby will be tried for which will be nice. R was such a pleasant surprise, but none the less she caught us off guard! A and I have talked about it and he’s almost ready to start trying but agrees buying a house first would be nice so we can move in before getting pregnant and me loosing all energy. That is a few months away, but less than a year!! Maybe because we never got to really give her what we wanted to I am giving that some attention.

I found another set of boy things I like if we have a boy, it’s at Target again, and I think A will like it a lot, but it’s expensive. Why am I wasting my time though? I will let myself drool for a few more days and then be over it. http://www.target.com/Trend-Lab-Football-Bedding-Collection/dp/B001BO0G6C/601-9807564-6986545?ie=UTF8&node=15761981&frombrowse=1&rh=&page=1 I think he’d choose that one, but it’s so pricey and doesn’t have a lot of accessories to go with it. Then again I am crafty and could make some more.

I promise I will talk about something more substantial sometime soon, but if anyone has any of the Child of Mine by Carters Looking Pretty collection or knows where I can get it for R (she needs a new sheet like that collection) and for my little stash for next time, please let me know! I REALLY want it and wish they had that particular collection when I was pregnant. I would have bought extras and everything!

the baby bug

Baby fever is really hitting me right now, everyone around is either trying, or already is pregnant. I have decided, weather A likes it or not, we are going to wait until we know where we are settled for a while, and hopefully after we buy a house. I also want to wait until I have lost some weight and am back to a shape that I am more comfortable in and happier with. No, I am not overweight, but I don’t feel like this body is really mine, I feel heavy, lethargic, and am almost embarrassed to wear my body if that’s possible. Yes, some more financial stability is my goal too, but we have been working on that and I feel like we are getting towards that.


About a week ago, maybe two I went through all of R’s stuff from when she was little. Not for nostalgia or to dream about what it would be like to use those swaddling blankies again, and the breast pump (actually, I will buy a new one, that one is over 10 years old now!) I was doing it to try and better organize the stuff for future reference and to get everything to fit into bins. I was moving all of her clothes into bigger sizes (24 mo/2T) I realized I had bins labeled everything from 0-12 months, 18 months and baby basics, toys and shoes….lets get things divvied up by proper categories here! Now I have bins for baby basics (unused little diapers in Ziploc bags, alcohol wipes, pacifiers we never used, the boppy pillow, swaddling blankets, you know, basics. 0-3 months (with the breast pump in there incase I can reuse parts of it with a new one) 3-6 months, 6-9 months, 12 months, and 18 months.


While going through her things, I realized how much I wish we had been able to put together a nice room for R. I always have felt guilty about that. I tried at the first place we lived in but no one gave us the necessary things. A’s mom bought us a crib, but not one I liked, it would be great if we had a boy but I really wanted a white or dark brown crib regardless of the gender. I never had matching sheets, I never had anything that I liked, When I was pregnant I kept looking for a sweet, cute, soft pink and green nursery set for her. I never found one so I found a pattern to make one I liked. Well never found fabric I loved for it. I made a bumper and bought sheets to go with it, but never made the whole thing. I never decorated her room. Right now she has her name up on the wall in green letters, she has a quilt hanging on another wall, her birthday dressed on a third wall and a big balloon a friend gave her for her first Easter. It’s alright for now, but I want to actually make her room special. My goal when we buy a house is to go and do up her room. I am planning in the next month to start setting aside funds just for her room and whatever’s left over will go into a fund for the next baby, whenever we have it.


Something that seems silly to buy, and I know I shouldn’t and A will be MAD if I do is a crib/nursery set for her…I know she’s outgrown it. But I finally found the one I would have wanted for her, the one I love and the one I would have made her room around. Here’s why I want to go buy it: 1) if we have another girl I want the girls to share a room, even if we have enough to give them each their own. I think it’s important for children to share a room for at least some time in their lives to learn lessons that they can only learn on their own with each other. If that’s the case I will just use the same color scheme and keep everything pink and green. 2) if we don’t have another girl I still will hang onto all these things not because I am so sentimental but because I had little to start out with, my parents had little when they had me, and I know if she, or any of our children, continue in our footsteps they will not have a lot and it would be nice to pass down things or keep them for when the grandkids come to visit.


There’s a whole collection at Target that I want for a little boy. I am sure they will change befor ewe have another boy, but if I were to find out next month that we were having one, I Would register for this collection. You can find it at http://www.target.com/Circo-Construction-2008-Bedding-Collection/dp/B0011G97XI/qid=1219286339/ref=br_1_7/601-9807564-6986545?ie=UTF8&node=13794701&frombrowse=1&rh=&page=1 my second choice would be something sports related, though I haven’t seen anything that calls my name yet, again I don’t need to look though. I, next time will do the whole room up. Next time we will own our own house and can paint the walls and nail things in. Next time…We will plan more.


The only catch there is I don’t want ot know what we are having. I may ask whomever throws me a shower to know what we are having and not open any gender specific gifts or have the shower post-birth. I may find out if A wants to but we have enough girl stuff for the time being and boy stuff…well I don’t know. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.


For now I need to start thinking toddler bed stuff! I might ask my parents for Christmas to help us pick out a trundle twin bed for R so we can have a guest bed too or if we buy a house one for the guest room….and convert her crib to a toddler bed. I know she’d like Dora bedding which we can have one set of, but I still want to keep pink and green as her main bedroom theme. That way as she grows up but before she can make real decisions we can easily update her room. Maybe we should do that for a boy, blue and yellow? We have plenty of time!

guilty gifts

I did something stupid yesterday. Well, not entirely, I just feel guilty about it. A and I have been trying to figure out a system for saving up money for things that we really want and finally came up with one that seams to be working so far. We went to Costco to buy him an x-box 360 (we really wanted the wii but can’t find it anywhere and after two weeks of looking, I give up! But he’s wanted the 360 for a while now, so we got that and will wait until Christmas time for the wii, especially since I want the wii fit deal and he wants something else….It can wait.

Well after we got that for him, we went to Wal-Mart, I wanted to see if they had some fabric, I was looking for a particular pattern and yes indeed they did, so I bought it (meaning to buy just a little now and the rest later) $89.77 later…ouch!! I am going to make 6 aprons (one child’s medium for R, two misses med for my brothers girlfriend and I, and three misses larges for my mom, my aunt J and Nana…maybe another child’s medium for A’s niece if I have enough left over) from Simplicity pattern 2824 http://www.simplicity.com/dv1_v4.cfm?design=2824 and then a tree skirt for myself and maybe my brother from Simplicity pattern 4842 http://www.simplicity.com/dv1_v4.cfm?design=4842. If you look on the apron pattern packet you will see the Christmas apron on the bottom left side, that’s the fabric I bought. I was just trying to take a picture of it but my camera is acting funny. I will have to fiddle with it and maybe get A to look at it. It’s all so cute. I bought some extra to use in a quilt for Christmas time and two pillows (which were on a little flyer at Wal-Mart a while ago and where I got the inspiration from)

I know that it’s not a huge expense in the long run as far as Christmas gifts go, take 89/8 projects…well two should be more expensive than the other six…so let me do some algebra here….it’s been a while…Aprons will be about $5.35 each, the tree skirts will be about $17.87 each, pillow cases $3/72 each and the quilt will be about $14.29 so far, but I will need to get some coordinating fabrics to add some interest and tone it down, or highlight, or however you want to explain it, plus backing fabric. And I need a few extras for all the projects, namely thread, cording, fringe like stuff, and several D-rings. Not that bad as far as gifts go though! It’s just a lot at once!

In other news, not much has been going on around here, I just keep playing and having fun with R. She’s been challenging me a lot lately and I am learning a lot about my patience. I used to think I was a very patient person, but I have learned my limit and am working to make it a higher threshold. A and I have been doing really well as a couple lately (which shouldn’t be unusual but sometimes we go through patches.) He has been spending a lot more time with me and that has made a huge difference! R is going through something where she is just clingy as all can be when he is home, it’s beginning to bother him but I think it’s sweet and know it will pass. It has been driving him NUTS though, he can’t do anything without her trying to tag along and asking to be held!

incomplete thoughts

I have not finished this post, but I need to post what I have now before my computer shuts off one more time and I have to search the harddrive for the last opened document since I never save my blog posts except on here:


R and I got home from packing up our campsite at Relay for Life this afternoon. This year was not as much fun as last, but I think I know how to help make next years more fun. A big part of the problem this year is that we were unorganized, unprepared, and unavailable. Most people had to work at least one shift during the event, therefore no one really could stay and play. I had a blast though. My only real complaint is that R would not go night night out there, even though we had her play and pack. Next time I think we will need a tent or mark of part of our tent with tarps (it was a huge overhead tent, no sides, but the poles, it could be divided into 6 “rooms”) so she has a room to herself without distractions around and can settle down.

There is a thunderstorm happening outside right now, rain lightning, the works. I love storms but thank goodness it wasn’t going on yesterday, with the Relay. All those tents, all those people. I wouldn’t mind rain, but thunder and lightning on a foorball field/track with only tents (with poles) to protect us, no thank you!

I will finish this later! enjoy it for now!

a case of melancholy

I am in a really bad funk right now. I have been for a while, but I keep trying to ignore it. I am so frustrated with my customers at work, and that’s not a healthy place to be, especially when trying to advance in a company. I am short with R, and I really hate myself for that. I don’t know what’s wrong, I don’t know how to get out of it, I don’t know what to do!

I’d like to pinpoint the heart of the problem, but not knowing what it is, I can’t and therefore I can’t come up with a solution. I think some compounding factors are:
I am lonely
I am depressed
I am bored

A doesn’t spend much time with me, and gives me very little attention or affection. The stuff he gives me is either seeking sex, or trying to get a rise out of me. I can’t joke around with him and I can’t stand being teased because I feel so cruddy about myself as is. I have such low self esteem right now, I have such low expectations for myself and I can’t even live up to those. I spend so much time alone, and you’d think being so bored and lonely I’d do house work, or I’d find a project I love (quilting) but I just can’t pick myself up, I can’t do the things I’d like to do.

I feel bad for R, I feel like I am shorting her, like I am not giving her her mother. Thank goodness she is such an independent soul and can entertain and play with herself. If needed she could raise herself and be a great child, but I do try to give to her what I can. I worry in the future it won’t be enough, I worry that if I gave her more than I have she’d be doing so much better than she is, but I don’t know how to give her that.

A always asks me “why do you always want to do something?” Well honey, because I never do anything, because I don’t have anyone other than you to do things with, because I hate being at home, alone (with R) day in and day out, because I hate that you go out all the time, leaving me home alone, and therefore never let me go out. Because I have no friends.

I really need to feel loved, I need to feel like I am important to A. I need him to show me affection. I need him to go back the sweet guy I met and feel in love with. I know people change, but he hasn’t given me anything lately (I mean emotionally or as a physical gift). He brings home food because I can’t bring myself to clean the dishes and therefore won’t cook (even though I used to get such pleasure in making him and R meals, I even made her all her baby food!) Why should I clean if no one ever comes over and if he never even spends time at home. Why should I cook for him if he’s not even home to eat it? It doesn’t help that he doesn’t do anything around the house period, so the few things I do do go mostly unnoticed and unfinished because I need him to help. For example I folded all the laundry this weekend to please him, and it’s all sitting on the floor of our room…well his is, I put mine away.

How do I communicate this all to him without him feeling attacked? How do I make myself happy, because ultimately it’s up to me, I am the only one who can truly make myself happy, as much as my happiness is tied into how I am treated and how I perceive myself in relation to A and others around us, but it’s up to me, and I just can’t get there.

my weekend

Today R and I ran a bunch of errands. We were trying to find some clothes for the Relay For Life that is happening next weekend. The theme is Rodeo, which is awesome since we are in the great state we are in, but it’s hard too. Not very many places cater to that theme, especially not in a town that wants to become more city-like and more sophisticated than it really is. We went to the three department stores (Macys, Penny’s, and Dillard’s) We also went to Target, and just because what rodeo ensemble would be set without cowboy boots (especially on a two year olds feet, how cute would that be?) a shoe store. No luck, but in Vanity (a trendy teeny-bopper/college kid store) I did score a new pair of work pants and a cute tank. They did have a few shirts that might do, but were a little expensive and I want to keep looking for something less expensive and see if I can find something I would wear just for fun too. Tomorrow, or sometime soon, we will hit up the second hand stores and Ross, maybe Wal-Mart (although we always walk out with more than we need from there and I always feel guilty buying there!)

This weekend was the local fair, and we had a blast. A and I took R to it, and I wanted to show her the animals, but it was so hot, and so crowded (well for where we are and for a two year old without a stroller.) She went on a few rides all by herself. She is not her mothers daughter, though I guess my mom said that she takes after her grandfather. She LOVED the roller coaster (I tried to go on it with her, but she is too independent and had fun) and the little cars driving around in circles. She also went on the ferris wheel with A (I am terrified of heights, my heart stopped each time they went up!) A said she let go at the top and she waved at me a lot. She and I went on the carousel and she didn’t want me to hold her once we got going (the first few times around she was ok with it, but once she knew she’d go up and down and we would go around she was fine!) I have such a brave little girl.

I am worn out to the core, and wish I could take some vacation time. I have 43 hours or so, but I am trying to save it up for when we move/if we move with work. I might take a few hours of it and my personal day just so I can have a long weekend or something, but I am not sure. I have a semi-consistent schedule these next few weeks, where I have Friday and sat off for three weeks strait. If that doesn’t help I might take a few days off. I need to recharge my batteries, take care of my house and myself.

I am looking for a few quilt patterns, this is an open call to anyone who may have them, or knows where I might find them. Some of these are patterns I really like, others I have started, and a few I have bought fabric for and lost the pattern:
McCall’s Quilting-April 2005-Garden Path
American Patchwork Quilting-August 2004-Gypsy Dancer
Quilters World-February 2004-Butterfly Beauty
Quilters World-April 2003-A Walk Through the Garden; Ring Around the Rosy; Snug as a Bug; Chelsea Quilt Set

Any help trackign these down would be much appreciated!

unrun erands

A and I have a date on Thursday. One of my co-workers will watch R, and I think the two of them will have a good time together. I was hoping to go out and get a nice dress or something sexy and cute and fun for the date. I don’t have a lot of nice things in my closet and I really want to treat this as a real date, make myself feel special and dressed up and, well you know, girly. I was going to do it today, but…well I think this needs it’s own paragraph.

A and I have been talking about getting a dishwasher. He won’t do the dishes, and I will do them to a point, once he uses five or six dishes in one night and leave them around the house is where I stop doing the dishes and ask him to do them…it never happens. I was told to check out a local big box like store for counter top ones, which will have to go each night but use the kitchen sink and since we are renting it’s a nice option, and we might even be able to use it wherever we go. I also want to see what the home stores have to offer, but we need something that’s portable. We might even be willing to leave one here if it’s a rather large one, like what my parents used to have, on wheels with a counter-like top. Ahh a dishwasher.

We were going to go out after he got up, and when I let him sleep in, I was in the wrong (although I’d rather be in this wrong than think he really wanted me to get him up when he doesn’t want to but knows he has to.) We never went to the store, we never got to run errands, and so I didn’t want to go out and try to find a nice outfit with the princess, who has been challenging to take to stores by myself. She’s just too interested in exploring and creating her own adventures she is hard to keep track of! I can’t wait until she’s three and we can sign her up for dance, and little kids sports, and gymnastics (one at a time!!) so she can have an outlet for her energy and curiosity.

I guess she and I can go tomorrow, if I have the right mind set I can keep tabs on her, I just don’t know what I want to wear on the date. I was looking forward to doing something special.

pain inside

I’m having a bad day. I had to drag A to a co-worker of mines wedding, and we missed most of it because he erased the time off the board and I thought it was at 2, but it was at 1. That’s not why it was bad though. A’s friend called to chat and said he’s having a girl. This guy has a baby who is not very old, and married the girl who had it…let me back up and tell their story. So friend moves out of town to get away from his ex and hooks up with girl. Girl says she’s pregnant, wants an abortion, plans it, yada yada yada, friend doesn’t even think its his because he caught her cheating on him. Anyways friend moves back to town because girl won’t talk to him and so why stay? Moves back in with ex. Tries to hook up with my friend. Months later girl comes into town with 5 month old baby boy, looks like friend, they decide to get married, get married I think it was in March? They found out they are having a girl sometime between then and now.

That is what broke the camels back so to speak. We went to the wedding, came home, and I laid on the bed and cried for about two hours unable to move. I should have had a baby last July, it would have been a boy. He died. It seams like I am being punished. Everyone around us is having babies and A won’t let me try for one, and doesn’t want one now, and all I want is for the pain to go away. Last February I had a D and C because his body would not leave mine, but his heart wasn’t going and hadn’t been for over two weeks when I finally had the procedure. I thought at the time I’d be over it by now. It’s been so long but I still mourn for the baby I was never able to hold, the son I never got to kiss, the child I never got to meet.

It’s painful in every day life to see moms with babies who are about the age he would have been. It hurts to see moms with two so close in age when mine could have been. I had a co-worker who left the company who had a due date right near mine. Then after I lost him, one of my co-workers announced she was pregnant and has a baby boy. A manager of the store I am in now but wasn’t at the time had her baby boy last June, so that whole time ached when we would get together for meetings, and the manager there now just had a baby. This friend’s first baby was born in August last year. I had a friend have her baby in September. A has some co workers who are expecting a boy in September or October this year and I have to keep seeing them because he likes them to watch R when he is supposed to find the babysitter. One of my co-workers announced two or three weeks ago she’s pregnant, as quite a shock since she thought she was going through menopause when the doctor told her, she has an 18 and a 14 year old. Then this friend. I really….it hurts so badly and I can’t escape it and it keeps getting shoved in my face. I know I am in that time in my life where people are going to start having kids and starting their families but it just hurts so much.

I am surprised some days that I make it through, and A today after seeing that I didn’t move the whole two hours he was gone renting R a movie (Dora of course) as a special treat said “did that really upset you that much?” and I said “yes, for a very long time I have felt like this.” I don’t want to go out of the house in fear of seeing more people who are pregnant, or who have little boys, or have babies. It’s pathetic and sad I know, but it always hurts. I wish I could just lie in bed and cry and mourn and I don’t know what else, but I can’t. I have to celebrate the life I do have. I do have a wonderful two year old. (who is currently fighting going to sleep, every 20 minutes or so she cries for about 5 and then is quiet for a while again). I have my health, I have someone who stands by me, even if he sometimes is the source of my frustration. I have all of my extended family and they love me.

But I still have pain, and I wish I could make it go away.

quilts

I took two of my quilts into work today to show a co-worker who I just learned is a quilter. She’s in her 40’s or so…not that that makes a difference, but it makes more sense for her to be a passionate quilter than it does me, a young 20 something, then again I am not normal as A likes to point out. She really liked the one I made R (which I made so many mistakes with) and loved the one I made for R’s playmate E. from her reaction to E’s quilt, I might actually be good at this!

I showed the quilts to a few friends (one person I used to work with, and his sister who is a regular…both in their 60’s). on my way out the door and they encouraged me to enter E’s quilt into the show in town. I think it happens every other year, and I dragged A and R to it last summer, A actually had some fun and even worn a door prize. I need to look into it and ask my friend if I can get it back for the show, but I think I should. Then again I follow the patterns in the magazines, I am not coming up with my own, although I’d like to get to that point.

I also took a moment to show my co-worker my scrapbook about the quilts I have already made, so I am up to 5 finishes, and the 6th top is done. She liked the way I scraped the stuff (I have little mementos, a picture, some scrap fabric, and a story about the quilt as well as the completion date.) She said “before you know it, this book will be full” I hope so!!

She also told me that she has a neighbor who is a professional quilter and has a long arm machine. The neighbor enjoys teaching people how to use the long arm and you can rent out the machine for a while to quilt your tops, which would be great if I ever make the quilt I want to for A as a wedding present (even though it would be more for me because it’s the colors I like, but it’s the thought that counts). This neighbor also designs her own quilt patterns and before shows and for magazines will ask people to “power sew” for her, then I think she said that this woman will quilt or finish them the way she wants, enter them into whatever she’s doing, and when everything’s over, it’s yours! WOW! My co-worker invited me to come over and visit with both her and her neighbor, and even asked me to bring R. WOW!

day dreams

I have been thinking about this post for a few days now, but housework has kept me from taking the time to write it, not tha tI feel like I am caught up now, but A’s at work and R’s down for the night after a long walk to the park and many adventures there, so I have a moment to think and put my thoughts into sentences. It’s amazing what peace and quiet (and a few things crossed off my to do list) will give me!

I had to walk home from work on Monday, A had the car to take R to the babysitters and I had to walk home. It’s about a mile and a half and I walked at a steady, almost brisk pace to hurry home and have some peace and quiet before R got home, but she was there (with the sitters of course) waiting for me. Bummer. On the walk I had a lot of time to let my mind wander, something that I rarely have been able to do lately. I came to a few conclusions.

The first of which that came to me was the idea of taking 30minutes to an hour each day as just me time. This would not be time to clean, or cook dinner, or even plan something for R, but just to explore who I am, to be by myself, to do something I like. I doubt it will happen each day, but it’s a nice goal and something I will strive to provide for myself. I have not told A about this, that’s on the agenda for tomorrow when we will have some time together. I think I need it though. I feel so stretched thin with work and home that I need to take some time to revive myself. I think he will understand, at least I hope he does. I will let you all know how it goes. I think the biggest challenge will not be getting him on board, but not feeling guilty about doing something for myself, like quilting, or working on a puzzle when there’s housework to do.

Something else that caught my attention was how much better I felt walking around in a nice warm sun, just daydreaming. Mostly about houses I wouldn’t mind living in and those I would not want to (big castle like houses I walked past, I have a hard enough time keeping my small apartment clean, I don’t want to have to worry about a huge house!) I also had a bit more patience with R that afternoon and more energy. I need to get out and enjoy the fresh air some more, get more exercise. I will admit I am worn out to the core, but I did see that I was a little lighter in spirits after getting the blood flowing.

As I mentioned I was daydreaming about houses, I would love to buy a house and then eventually work on building one for us. I have a few ideas and would like to take a drafting class to learn how to draw house plans and work on some that I might like. I used to draw out houses and could do rough sketches on graph paper. Maybe I will start that for now and then work up, or maybe find someone who can do a real one for us. I don’t know how realistic this idea is since A’s not too handy, but it would be nice to add my own touches to a house and have it built and designed for me. There are a lot of houses out there I do like. Most important to me would be a nice deck, a big fenced in yard, and some large bushes that R could create her own secret world like I used to. (I think lilac bushes would be nice for that!) I also want to have a garden for flowers, fruits and veggies. Rose bushes are a MUST! I have so many good memories of both my mom and my Pop-Pop caring for their rose bushes and the smell of those big, beautiful garden roses. I also want at least two, maybe two and a half baths, a laundry room up with the bedrooms, a master suite, two bedrooms and an office/guestroom. I would love to have both a formal and informal dining room and a nice living room, but that’s for later down the road, right now just two baths and three bedrooms will do. I like to dream big though!

vacation!

Alright, after trying twice to write this and having the computer crash or something…freeze up mostly, here I go again while antivirus is running. I think it’s just been on too long, but grrr.
Anyways. I have been meaning to update my blog for a while now. We were just on vacation visiting my family and while I had ample time to write, I just felt weird doing so on my parents computer. Why, I don’t know but I did. We had fun with my parents, my brother and his girlfriend (who I ADORE!) as well as a few days with my moms parents, and two of her sisters. I love my extended family and wish I could spend more time with them. Nana and Pop-pop especially have such great stories to listen to and learn from.

While we were out there, we had a lot of celebrations. The first was my brothers high school graduation. Secondly, R’s second birthday! (I will post more on that later, once I get some pictures of her opening presents my aunt took pics of her.) then we celebrated my dads parents 50th anniversary at their church. Lastly, it was my moms parents 57th anniversary the day they left, but we didn’t have time to do anything too special, just send them to the airport with cards.

While out there, I again was caught up in the quilting bug. I flipped through the stack of quilting magazines my mom had (that I could find) and made copies of the quilts I like. I also semi “raided” her fabric stash. Really I was looking for my parts of a quilt we started together, but I couldn’t find it. I will have to take some time and look up the pattern again, or plan a trip to help her clean up my old bedroom (AGAIN) and the storage room (dumping room, which my bedroom is becoming) and see if we can find the fabric and parts.

Something I noticed that she has a problem with is projects. She has several quilts almost finished, a bunch more in various stages of progress and even more that aren’t even started but the fabric is purchased for. I made a commitment to myself that I will work on one quilt start to finish so I don’t have that problem. I will admit at this moment I have two projects going on. One almost finished, the other I just cut the fabric. Reason for this exception, I didn’t have the car today and I am out of thread for the first one. I will finish it before I sew more.

Speaking of projects, I need to track my commitments to projects in their appropriate order:
1) R’s quilt (just finishing)
2) R’s playmates quilt (cut fabric for)
3) Aunt J’s quilt (need to see if I have enough fabric for the size she wants, but do what I have enough for)
4) A’s quilt (buy fabric for this one and 5’s at the same time…same theme)
5) My friend A’s son’s quilt (and she’s going to make one at the same time just a different pattern)
6) A’s sisters quilt…she doesn’t know about it yet, and A hasn’t picked out a pattern yet or colors but he liked the thought of us doing this for her) maybe for Christmas, or her birthday.
7) I have one pattern I like and another I’d like to find but have seen (if anyone has the McCall’s Quilting, April 2005 it’s the cover quilt!) as a gift to A and I for our wedding
8) Something with Dora for R…and/or a bigger quilt for her bigger bed
9) The missing quilt….Gypsy Dancer

Phew! I had more than I thought I did on my list, I am glad I wrote it out!!

death around

The past few days, there has been some sad news all around. Today’s newspaper reported that two young boys drowned this weekend in a camping/go kart-ing accident, their lives were cut far too short. Yesterdays paper reported a gentleman who was older, but still too young to die drowned in a fishing accident. Today while working, one of my co-workers received a message that a former employees brother drank himself to death last night. I don’t know if he was older or younger than my co-worker, but either way, far too young to go.

While I am not directly affected by any of these deaths it seems that it is lurking around. Perhaps its because my brother is about to venture out on his own without anyone to protect him. Maybe its because I Am a mother and I am worried about my child’s well being, or maybe it’s just that I see how delicate and precious life is. My heart goes out to these families, I hope their pain is eased with time. I wish I had a profound word to share with the world, with these people, with my daughter, instead I stand still.

who am i?

I have been blogging a lot, a lot more than I thought I would , and about things I didn’t think were important to me. I have been writing when I could be matching socks, or cleaning, but I have also felt less anger, less frustration, and have become more in touch with myself. I am learning who I am now instead of what I am. Yes, I am a mother, I am a spouse, I am an employee who works darn hard if I do say so myself, but who is Lisa?

The past few months work has become, not fun. I have been working over 35 hours a week, and most of those weeks have been close to 40 if not over. I am not complaining because the money has been good, but working that many hours on your feet, in a job that you have to be positive and engaging and dynamic can wear you out. I have been so focused on work, and so focused on how much I wish A would help out with the household work (I KNOW he doesn’t like it, I KNOW he isn’t good at it, so why to I expect him to do it?) I have lost the focus on what I enjoy, on what I want to do, who I want to be, and why I love my job, why I love my home. I have let myself escape into this negative cloud because it was easier.

I am not saying that I am going to burst out of his negative, exhausted attitude, but at least I see that that’s where I am right now. I am in a place where I need to take care of myself, I need to do those things that I enjoy. I need to reconnect with who I am. I wish I could take some time off from work and go on a private retreat, or go out with some friends for more than a few hours, more than a meal. I need some time to discover what it is that motivates me, that I enjoy, and what relaxes me. I need to take the time to be me again, just me.

really frustraited

Please beware this is going to be a rather negative post, and aimed mostly at A, but not that he’s the problem entirely, but he is not part of the solution.

I got my tips today, and what happened? I spent it all. That’s right, I spent all my tips that were supposed to be saved up for our trip. Why? Well, I needed gas in the car, and that was a good chunk of it. A wanted a new work shirt, and we had to get some anniversary cards, a graduation card, some potting soil, and that’s where everything went. Why is it so much, and worse off why is it that I can’t spend money without having a panic attack and regret over every purchase. A has spent $220 so far this month not including his tips, my tips…what the hell!! I guess the dollar amount doesn’t surprise or upset me, just the fact that there’s no regret about it on his end. I am jealous and wish that I had that freedom.

I am not a sexist, but I feel like the man should be able to support the family. I don’t mind contributing, I don’t mind supplementing, and even if he could support the family by himself I would work, but I am worn out to the core, I am exhausted, I am stressed, and I am doing everything for the house too. I am cleaning, cooking…well I haven’t been doing that the past few days because I cleaned the kitchen and it’s sparkling I’d rather not mess it up to clean again =) I am working 40+ hours a week, and I am doing all the parenting. A gets to do the fun stuff and I am encouraging him to take her out and do things with her, but I am the disciplinarian, I am the ritual setter, I am the potty trainer. Tonight for example, A was trying to get R down for night night because he wanted to. Well it’s two hours later and she’s still screaming because he didn’t want to follow the routine, he wanted to do something special. He left and told me to call when she’s down. Thanks honey! I have to work at 5 am tomorrow, it’s 9:30!!

With this promotion that I am going for, I know I will be working about 40 hours a week, it won’t be consistent hours, but I think the move and the raise and the change of…everything, will be good for us. In the mean time I am just feeling overwhelmed, over worked, over exhorted. I am really looking forward to some time off of work. I need a break. If we don’t get this promotion this time there will be another opportunity in probably November that I will go for, and I will take some vacation time to just unwind, take care of the house and to take care of myself. If I get it I will take the same time off to pack and move things. It’s been a while since I have had some personal time. I need it. I think it will help my outlook.

A has agreed to have a sit down after we get back from vacation to figure out some new money problems. We will set a date, find a babysitter, do it somewhere other than home, and not a nice restaurant or somewhere else that might be crowded. We will be rested, and…we need it.
Tomorrow I have a short shift, just under 6 hours, and R and I will walk home so A can take the car to work (I get off at 10:45 he works at 11...so he will walk down and trade the car for the stroller) hopefully he will take R out for either a dinner date or some play time and I can clean the living room and her room. That’s my hopes and goals for tomorrow. I will write him a note and tape it to the TV and ask him for that. I see it happening unless he picked up an evening shift too, that would be another hope for tomorrow, which would bring my cleaning down to just the living room. Or the laundry.

I feel better, I just wish I had a plan of action.

house-ing?

With a possible move on the horizon, we are talking about buying a house instead of renting. We are realistic about what we can afford and are probably going to look into either a townhouse just to get our feet wet, or something that we can put some sweat equity into. We have some inheritance money that we will use for a down payment, and we won’t want to pay more than what we do in rent (or just a little more) and I have been looking for a tool to use to find out how much house that means we can buy. All I see are the ones you enter your income, or you enter the mortgage amount you want. I need to go the other direction. I guess we can go to the bank and talk about this and figure it out, but we are not quite there. I would like to have a 15 year mortgage but 30 is more realistic for us I think. I just want to pay more principal than interest!

My old landlord came into work today, twice. He has a new job and is moving to Bozeman. He kicked us out of our apartment because he lost his house. He asked about our new place and I said we might be moving again, hopefully. He said “oh no, what happened?” and I explained that we are hopefully getting out of this town, and we are in a place where we might buy, and he said to call him he has some friends in the town we are hoping to get to that are realtors. As much as I think he’s a jerky man for making us homeless for 3 weeks and kicking us out of our home just before Christmas, I will give his friends a shot. We will need someone who is patient and willing to take their time with us and guide us through the process.

I have not been feeling well the past few days. Just exhausted and nauseous, and have had several migraines. I know you might be thinking “pregnant?” nope. On BC and poor A, I’ve been so worn out that we haven’t practiced making a baby in over a month, so that’s not possible. The side effects of me feeling ickie and being tired is that the house is a mess!!!! I should be cleaning right now, but I am sitting down, with my legs pressed up against my tummy and typing which doesn’t involve movement of the core or my head. I hope I feel better tomorrow, or Tuesday which I have off so I can get some cleaning done. Before I felt ickie I got the laundry caught up and folded and the kitchen is sparkling, but the rest of the place is MESSY!! Maybe one of my friends will take Regina and I can sleep and clean. She loves those play dates!

school

A and I have had a long standing debate about where to raise our kids, I want to go back to the Seattle area to be near my parents and he is worried they will be like his mom and come by whenever they want (which is not how I was raised, and they have their own busy lives, it would just be nice to have them close enough to help out when we would like to get away like my grandparents did, but not too close they know what we do at all hours.) Today I found this article:
The Top of the Class
The complete list of the 1,300 top U.S. high schools
Newsweek Web Exclusive
(can be found at http://www.newsweek.com/id/39380/?q=2008/rank/301/ )
These are the schools near where my parents live and where I went to high school, though I went to private school, and this article only addressed public schools.
10 International School Bellevue Wash.
31 Newport Bellevue Wash.
45 Interlake Bellevue Wash.
62 Bellevue Bellevue Wash.
163 Sammamish Bellevue Wash.
1152 Issaquah Issaquah Wash.
These schools are all of what’s in Montana, neither of these towns are near me.
602 Stevensville Stevensville Mont.
606 Bozeman Bozeman Mont. 1.845
I have been arguing that my education was more challenging, more encompassing and more diverse than what A got here in this town, and I still stand firm, with a little bit of evidence. If we don’t move out to the places I want to live I will have to figure out a way to supplement R’s education and enhance it. I want my child to be worldly, accepting, and understanding of herself and others.

I am going to start looking into preschool for R when we figure out where we will be. I can't belive it's begining already!