blah day

So I spent the day taking care of sick R and cleaning. R has been sleeping and watching cartoons and nothing else today. She looks so yucky and I feel so bad for her, but at least she’s little. Cuddles and kisses seem to make things better. She caught this nasty cold from a little boy she was playing with at the airport and has been coughing and sniffling and runny nosed. It’s horrible!

The plus side is I was able to do a lot of housework because she didn’t want to play or be interacted with at all! Usually when I clean from front to back and by the time I am done with the kitchen and living rooms I don’t want to clean anymore. Today I did the opposite. I started with A and my bedroom, then R’s room, then the bathroom. The hallway between them and I am now working on the living room. I also worked on the dishes between all the rooms since A hasn’t done them yet. I can’t wait for him to come home and see everything that I have done. Hopefully he appreciates it.


Other than that nothing is really going on at home today. I didn’t have to work, and I wont tomorrow either. What are the odds of getting two days off together? Thank goodness though, poor R and clean house!

ramblings

For those inspired resolutions…I have yet to keep one so far, but that’s not for lack of desire, just lack of energy and to quote my dad “oomph.” It seams like nothing’s going my way right now. Not to say that things are bad, just that they are a bit overwhelming.

I am transferring to the other store in town, and have very mixed feelings about it. I guess most of them are because I am nervous and worried I won’t fit in, or they won’t like me but I know that’s silly. As long as I am myself I will form friendships. The whole ordeal with my transfer was so screwy. One week I am going, the next I am not, now I am again…but I am not on the schedule. I don’t want to put out my negative vibes into the air because I am trying so hard to think about the positives but there are a few things that are bothering me. First, the new manager hasn’t talked to me, no one asked if I wanted this, and when she came into our store yesterday she said nothing about having me come over or anything…I did go up to her and said I was excited to join…white lie but along the right lines. She also hasn’t told any of the shifts at her store that I am coming so when I went in and introduced myself they were all surprised. Talk about awkward but I am glad I did it so I don‘t just come in and start rocking my thing and have them all wondering who I think I am.

A’s mom came by today. I hate that she comes by unannounced and always on the days where I have the place in a mess and haven’t showered and am pooped. Well she painted R a bookcase and oh I hate the way she did it. I was hoping for just a plain strait bold painting, she did this terrible uneven texture attempt. I will keep it the way it is for now and when we move I might redo it and say that the movers chipped the paint or something. I have been trying to play nice with her even though I think she’s a less then wonderful person. I invited her to go fabric shopping with me sometime in a few weeks (when I get the patience and what not to be around her) for a quilt for R’s big girl bed that we will be converting her crib into soon and she offered to get the fabric. I wonder what strings will be attached, hopefully nothing more than seeing the quilt once it’s done. Now the question is will any of the three fabric stores (including JoAnn’s and Ben Franklins) have the perfect fabric? I need to find one first and then work off of that. I wish we had more stores and I wish I had found the pattern when I was out with my parents and had spending cash for the fabric because they have so many great fabric stores out there and I know I’d find the perfect one out there!

inspired

While visiting my parents I became inspired. That is the kind way of putting it. I remember looking to my parents when I was younger both for inspiration, guidance, and for their flaws. I learned a lot from them, both how to live my life and how I didn’t want to. I think all of us did, but it is interesting to go back and see them, see the life I used to have and compare it to what I have now. Here’s what I came away with this week:

The first thing is diet. My parents are overweight, and have been for a while. The past few years I know they have been trying to diet and lose weight, but are not terribly successful. Watching their struggles has made me look at my life. Right now I like to eat junk food. I don’t exercise enough. I am taking for granted my body and my shape. I know that in a few years my body will slow down. I need to establish healthy habits now so when I am in m y 40’s like my parents I am not fighting 20 years of work. I don’t think they look bad and I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with a few curves, I just see how hard they try to get figures they are happy with and want to prevent that struggle for myself.

The second thing I need to work on that I realized from my visit is my housekeeping skills. I hate cleaning, I love the feeling when the project is complete just to know it all starts again the next day. The problem with my parents is they hang onto everything and have no real organization in their home. They always blamed my brother and I, and mom points the finger at dad too, but everyone is responsible. I need to cut down the clutter, I need to make it a daily habit to clean, I need to get on top of it before mess is on top of me!
My plan is deep cleaning:
Monday-bedroom
Tuesday-bathroom
Wednesday-kitchen
Thursday-R’s room
Friday-living room
Weekends- as needed

My last bit of inspiration is the most fun. I am inspired to quilt again. It’s been a few months since I have worked on a project. I need to call that woman about joining the quilters guild still (I am a little nervous about it, but I will suck it up!) My old bedroom is being converted into my moms sewing room (once she finishes cleaning it out and sorting through her stuff and my brothers junk that’s been tossed in there) which is the room R and I stayed in. I read a bunch of her quilters magazines and took a few home with me. I picked out a pattern for R’s “big girl bed” quilt and hopefully will be able to do window treatments to match, I just need to sit down and plan it all out (and save up some tip money!)

I hope you all keep me accountable for this!

back to reality

I think I will separate all my thoughts into two different posts, so bear with me here. I just got back from a trip with R out to see my parents. It was much needed to get away, forget about the daily grind. I was hoping it would be more relaxing than it was but I realize I had semi-unrealistic expectations. My dad is a night owl and mom’s an early bird and I thought between the two of them and my brother I’d get naps and sleep…fat chances!

Traveling with a young one is challenging. Especially when by yourself. When we got to SeaTac R threw a huge fit in baggage claim because she wanted to go exploring and stretch her legs but didn’t want to hold my hand. She threw a huge fit and ended up lying on the floor. I was beat red and a mom came up with her little girl and watched R throwing it and asked her something along the lines of “isn’t that silly?” I guess they had one earlier. That kind woman watched my bags while R and I took a little walk but she had to go soon too. She was not happy when we left too but it was better. Thank heavens we found a little boy going on our flight with us so she could play with him while we were delayed 45 min. Other than that she was great!

R is very generous with hugs and kisses. My brother and mom were showered with loves from the get go. My dad, oh poor dad, didn’t get any until the last night we were there when the two of them were alone for a while while us big girls made dinner. No one believed him when he first told us! My guess is that she didn’t like his beard. My parents decided they wanted to be “Grandma” and “Grandpa” but R had a hard time saying that, while trying she came up with “Nana” and “Papa” (I call my mom’s parents “Nana” and “Pop-Pop” so it is nice to carry on that tradition!) She was great! We chased after duckies and said hi to almost everyone. I am going to have to work with her on boundaries and who is ok to talk to and who is a stranger and scary. Any ideas are more than welcome!

It’s nice to be home though, but I am not looking forward to all the housework and daily grind that I am not back to, but that’s how life is right? Tomorrow I tackle the kitchen!

small rants

I was reading a dear Prudence letter today, and something struck me that wasn’t the issue of the letter. In it, the woman was commenting on how many people make her feel bad for not breast-feeding. A while back in my first blog, I talked about my struggles with R and feeding her, so I felt a connection (we only made it 6 months). The sentence that got my to change my empathy was: “I have been yelled at by strangers when they see a bottle in my son's car seat.” Okay, so I would never yell at a mother, but seriously? You make your 11 week old child hold their own bottle? Prudence never addressed the point, but the reason I would give a dirty look is because at that young age the child needs to be held, cuddled, and feedings are the perfect time to bond and talk, coo, cuddle and look at one another whether with a bottle or the breast.

Tomorrow is the day we go on a flight, just R and I. I am thrilled. We are packed and ready to go! I have our outfits picked out and laid out. The only thing I haven’t done is clean. Mostly because A hasn’t cleaned his room yet (the kitchen is his this time) and I did the living room yesterday (it’s a mess already! How does he do it? It was a mess before I came home from work and he was still in bed!) I am going to get to the bedroom tonight for sure, it’s not too messy, just disorganized and tomorrow will be R’s room…I just wish we could keep this place cleaner. It’s something I am definitely working on right now.

traveling

We are on the countdown. I can’t wait until Friday! Last night was the first time A commented on his wishing he could go with R and I to see my parents and how he’s sad we are leaving him, even if it is for a long weekend. R and I did this last year and it was great! At the time A and I were in a rough spot and it gave him a little taste of what life would be like without us, we came back and he was so glad! This year while we have been having normal little spats and stress (what young couple doesn’t?) it’s going to be hard on him, and to see me so excited to get out of town and to see my family makes it harder.

We are going to go to wallyworld today and A will pick out a little care package for the airplane for R. Some snacks, some things to play with, maybe a special book or something. I wish we could take juice boxes on planes, but no, thanks to those bad guys. I am slightly worried about flying with a toddler, but not too badly, she’s such a good girl. Last time we flew she was only about 8 or 9 months and was entertain able for a while, this time I will need more tricks up my sleeves.

Work is…well confusing lately. I don’t know if I am transferring or not, I don’t know when it I am, I don’t know anything at this point and I am a little baffled. I guess it’s good that I don’t mind rolling along with the punches. There’s a lot of change happening to, and some of it is overwhelming. It’s hard to communicate to everyone too. I know in the long term things will be great, it’s just hard to focus on that line out there when you are living in the here and now.

The Arts

I was watching the top 100 one hit wonders or something like that on VH1. I will never be a musician, but boy do I like to look at them. There’s something about them, their passion, their drive, but I’m glad I don’t have to deal with the rehab and drugs that seems to come along with the musical world. I am not someone who is passionate about music, I just enjoy it.

Related to my TV watching (which I’ll admit I do too much of when R’s down for a nap) My favorite show is Ace of Cakes. Each time I watch that show I wish that I could learn how to decorate cakes. When I can I also watch the Food Network challenges related to cakes and sweets. I don’t think I have the patience nor the eye for being a professional cake decorator, but I would love to learn how to do it. I’d like to take a class in cake decorating, and see if I get as much enjoyment out of it like I imagine I will. Then maybe I will go on to learn more. I’d enjoy being able to decorate cakes for my loved ones.

Yesterday as I was leaving work, I saw a woman with a notepad that said “quilt” on the top. As some of you amy remember, I love quilting, but am not strong at it yet. I have finished…four or five quilts so far. One of them was for one of my good friend’s daughter’s transition to her Big Girl Bed! I need to get on it and make R one for her big girl bed which I think we will be transitioning into soon. Anyways, back to the story here, the woman I ran into is a member of a local quilters guild. I didn’t know there was one here. She said the women in it are all about her age (50 maybe) but there are a few younger. She invited me to their meeting and gave me her phone number. I think I am going to try and go…see what it’s like. The dues are only $20 a year and they donate most of their quilts to local charities. She did tell me that the women there have so much knowledge which is why I am really intrigued. I have so much of this art to learn!

Weird Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. I don’t think I have been to mass since R was baptized, not that I haven’t wanted to go, but I keep coming up with excuses. A won’t go with me, R’s going to be too fussy, I have to work, A has to work etc. While many times they are the truth, I should still go. A is not Catholic like I am, but he does support me being Catholic and understands my desire to raise R as one too. We’d love to send her to Catholic schools, but there aren’t any around here that I would be comfortable sending her too. The one I know about is where they put troubled kids who need some serious structure, or so I have heard.

I went online to find the phone number for my parish so I can update them with my new address and what not, but saw that Ash Wednesday Mass was being held at 21:10, that was a little less than an hour from then, so I convinced A to get up, and we all went. It was wonderful, I miss Mass. I can see why A’s not comfortable with it, but that’s why we chose the parish we go to; it’s less stuffy and crowded than the Cathedral (which is where I would chose to go, but compromised with A) I hope I can get him to go more often.

I went into work after Mass to place my order (and get R her “coffee” for being such a good girl at mass) and talked to my manager. I will be transferring to the other store in town. She said that she’s doing it because they need a shift over there and the manager there will be able to focus a lot of energy on getting me ASM ready, where as my current one has so much work cut out for her to get the store into a good place that she thinks I will be back burnered. Our RM is in town for the day/a few days to check in on the stores and what not.

Earlier the two of them (and maybe the other SM was there too) were talking about the ASM shifts that are happening in the region…now I am hazy on this and probably pushing some of my hopes into the picture, but it sounds like my store is not the only one that will be undergoing changes. It somehow came up that I was willing to relocate (probably why I was chosen to change stores out of our team) and I had mentioned one town in particular, because I know a store is in the works there and the cost of living is so low, but the RM mentioned another town that has a few stores and they wanted to ask me about it first. YES! Let me go anywhere! The short story is that we need to get A out of this town. It’s the one he was born and raised in and he needs to see the world from a different perspective. There are more possibilities for me getting ASM than I though! I am starting to think it might really happen….and not in the distant future.

JA Jance

I just finished reading the first book in a new series by J.A. Jance. She's a wonderful author and each time I read one of her books I wonder why I haven’t been reading more. Her books usually keep you guessing and page turning. This particular one, Edge of Evil, spends more time getting you invested in the character than on the actual case at hand, but you know a good solid series will follow. I have the next two books, but I want to be able to sleep tonight, so I don't think I will start the next one until tomorrow.

Before I was interested in her works, my mom bought a dinner for eight or 12 at an auction. She, my dad, two or three of her sisters and a few of her close friends, and my Nana and Pop-Pop went to the dinner party, J.A. Jance's husband did the cooking I believe. They all spoke highly of the author and had a wonderful time. They were all avid readers of hers before, but now it's almost an illness. And I seem to have caught the bug. My mom tries to make it to all of her book signings at this cozy little bookstore in downtown Seattle when she has them, I think the place is called Seattle Mystery Bookshop, something simple and obvious like that. She gets copies for MA, J, herself, T, and most importantly Nana.

Nana is an amazing woman, she makes long lasting friends wherever she goes. She has this magic and spark that I hope to let shine. People want to be around Nana and want to keep her close to them. I have only been to one signing with mom, but the moment mom mentioned Nana's name, JA's face lit up and she immediately held up the line to ask how she and Pop-Pop were doing (at the time Nana had just recovered from a stay in the hospital with pneumonia where we almost lost her) and how she hoped to see them when she was in there town. I am impressed that someone with such fame and so many names and faces can remember one person so fondly, but then again that's Nana's gift.

I think once I finish this set of books, I will start in on the J.P. Beaumont series. I read a few of them, but not in order so I will have to go back. Those are set in Seattle, so visualizing the scenery will really take me back, I miss it out there. Maybe the library will have some, but knowing my local library I am best going to a used bookstore or something. If anyone is looking for something to read, I recommend her for a good mystery book.

R, work, and Home

Today, R got up about the same time A was getting ready for work. When she saw him getting dressed after his shower, she came to me and pointed to her clothes, so we got dressed too. Then she went up to the door to go outside with him. "you can't go outside! you don't even have shoes on" A told her. So what does my smart little cookie do? she grabs her shoes and comes back into her bedroom where I am tidying up and has me put her shoes on. A little bit latter as A is finally going, R takes his hand in hers and stands there with him ready to go. "Too cold" A tells her, so she goes to the hamper and pulls out her sweater and spends about 4 minutes trying to get it on. I was able to distract her with making breakfast so A could sneek out the door, but oh my heart!

YEsterday I found an envelope at work addressed to me with my RM's handwriting on it. She sent me a card with a wonderful note about how welcoming I am and how well I have handled our "customer voice" invitations (those things that you get to go online and give feedback...we only do one on fifty people or so unlike Target where everyone gets one) Our store has the highest feedback rate of any in the reagon...some of the coments have been wonderful, others we can't do much about, usually about the parking lot. She also sent me a gift card to the store. It means a lot to me for her to call out my strengths and acknowledge that she saw them. She's only in the store a few times a quarter. It inspires me to keep at it. Sometimes I feel like I am just a glorified human coffee machine

I need to be cleaning, I just can't get this place organized. A hasn't been helping with that either, but I knew that about him from teh get go. I keep finding other thigns to go, like read a book, bake a ham, (oh the kitchen is NASTY!) and blog but I just can't get myself to clean. You'd think being cooped up inside with how cold it is would motivate me because I am stuck stairing at the mess but nope, just makes me want to curl up with a blanket and veg out! Anyone have any inspiration for me?