home care

I sat down today and wrote out a list of things I would like to do before I go home for a long weekend. I realize that most of these things will not be accomplished by then, but I still want to work towards it. I want to come home to a clean apartment, its so much more relaxing to do that. I, unfortunately, am cramming in 30 hours at work between now and then, so it will not be the easiest thing in the world, but well worth the effort. Some projects are at the bottom of the priority list…cleaning out our storage unit, organizing the bathroom drawers, going through my desk drawers, but they are things that I want to finish in the next few weeks. I am continually going through my things and getting rid of what I don’t want/need anymore. There are so many things that I am attached to for no real reason and after the third or fourth sweep I finally get rid of.

I wish I was a better homemaker. I don’t need to be June Cleaver; I just wish I was better. I have never lived on my own (except in the dorms) so I never got to practice. I was looking forward to living independently, finding out about myself, coming and going as I pleased. I am not one to really live on my own, I need people, and I only wanted to do it for a little while. I was great in the dorms, I always had a welcoming room (though few friends to frequent my door) and healthy snacks and small meals. I organized my stuff and rearranged the room at least one a semester. I loved cleaning up my room as a way to avoid a paper and yet be productive. I now feel forced to clean, and enjoy it far less. I know once we get our things sorted and stored better that it won’t be overwhelming anymore. I want our place to be welcoming, though I don’t think it is or will be. We live in a nice apartment building for the price, and for a first place it really is far better than a lot of places, it’s just out of the way for most people. I wish we lived somewhere where people could just stop by. I wish we lived further in town. I am sure some of Adams friends are hesitant to stop by because I am his girlfriend and we have a baby. I wish that weren’t the case. I would love it if his friends came by and said hi, played video games here, watched football, or even come over for a nice dinner with us. I want my friends to come by too. I don’t have many, but I have a few, and I wish they would haunt my doorway (or however the saying goes.) This is something my parents never had, and my friends did….it’s something I have wanted to have/do for a long time. Hopefully someday soon.

I am starting to pack for the trip. Well…more accurately, I wrote a list a week or so ago, taped it to the wall between our bedroom door and R’s bedroom door and have been updating it, adding onto it, and glancing at it, slowly pulling stuff out and setting it aside. I have a small pile on a chair we never use in the living room, another small pile on the floor between R’s dresser and her crib. I am so excited to go and see everyone. Two of my moms sisters will be there, plus her parents, my dads parents and brothers live out there, I will hopefully stop by my old work, see some high school friends, A’s friend is invited to my graduation party and hopefully we will get a hold of him so he can indeed make it. I am looking forward to other people playing with R (“where’s your nose? I got your toes” gets old rather quickly…except for the smiles it brings out) as well as the change of scenery. I wish we could stay longer, but work calls.