dull update

One of my friends told me when I was still pregnant that she had a mantra for those nights her daughter wouldn’t sleep, and I have started to use it. It’s “I love being a mom, just not right now.” It’s true someday. Last night was one of those nights, R would not sleep for the life of her! She would doze in my arms, sometimes cat nap in her crib or the swing, but sleep…nahhh. Something is bothering her, and if it were a day or two ago I would think it was her shots, but she's over them now. Crazy! Hopefully she sleeps well tonight, if not…oh dear!

A broke his toe at one of his jobs, and has been only working at that one and not his other. UPS has set him up with some light tasks so he doesn't have to take time off and he can wait for the swelling in his foot to go down, and Pepsi would just be too much time walking around and lifting. We are hoping that the swelling goes down by Monday so he can get back to work but we will see.

We took R out and about today….nothing too strenuous, the most I let A carry was R or a bag of ice, whichever is heavier. We went out to the Fairgrounds in town and played with the geese and ducks. R was very curious and enjoyed looking around. We even got down to the ducks level and looked at them. I can’t wait to take her back and have her throw bread crumbs at them. We were going to go to the playground down there too, but it started to get windy and looked like a storm was going to roll in. We came home instead and A and R crashed and I have been doing laundry and making a candy crème tart for desert. I need to go fold laundry and start dinner but I wanted to take a moment to update my readers (if I have any now!)

There really hasn’t been much happening around here, I haven’t done much cleaning, I have started cooking more, I haven’t started any new projects, I haven’t even finished any lately. I still have to work on my friends daughters quilt, I got the backing fabric for it and have batting so I just need to tidy up the living room enough to lay it all down on the floor, pin it and sew, sew, sew! (I also need to get some more thread!)

its been a while

I really do miss going to school. I remember moving into the dorms for the first time, Dad hid all the power cords perfectly and oh it was great. Then when my roomie moved out I rearranged and LOVED it. I love being able to set things up, get them organized. I love moving in and out (and hate it when I am tired, want to take a nap and realize all my clothes are in a heaping pile on the bed and my boxes are organized all over the floor.) I remember how good it felt to finally have that last box unpacked, to look around the room and realize I had done it (most the time with little help, just bringing the boxes in) I miss buying textbooks (but not the paying for them.) I miss school supply shopping. Yesterday when A and I were having dinner I asked him to make sure I went back to school. I am going to spend this year researching schools, requirements, studying for the GREs again (and hopefully doing better) and then maybe start applying. I am going to make it my “educational goal” for this year.

I know part of being a mother is being tired, especially with a young baby, but man, I think I am pushing it. Last time I went to the docs my iron was really low (they took it twice they were so sure it wasn’t that low!) I have been taking my prenatal vitamins still and have been trying to eat iron rich foods, but I don’t know if it’s any better, or if there’s something else going on. Maybe I am just being a wimp when it comes to sleep. I have another appointment tomorrow, so we will find out about my iron levels, and thank goodness I don’t have work tomorrow. Although last time I got to go in late to work (instead of 5 am) she went to bed no problem around 8pm and was down for the night…then when I had to be at work at my normal time, it was 1am or 2am before she went to bed. Isn’t that always the case?

I have been having a lot of problems pumping lately. This morning I got ½ oz after 15 minutes on each side….Pathetic isn’t it? I am not sure what’s going on, maybe lack of sleep, maybe not enough fluids, maybe stress about bills, or maybe I am not consuming enough calories. I really don’t know, but it’s frustrating. I think I have a total of 6 oz in the freezer now….she will eat all of that in one day while I am at work. I have been trying to pump from one side after feeding her from the other, but haven’t had much success yet. I am hoping that my milk production will increase because of it…and soon. We are going to have to use some formula (Which R doesn’t like) for a few days while I keep working on it. I will ask about that at the docs tomorrow too.

home care

I sat down today and wrote out a list of things I would like to do before I go home for a long weekend. I realize that most of these things will not be accomplished by then, but I still want to work towards it. I want to come home to a clean apartment, its so much more relaxing to do that. I, unfortunately, am cramming in 30 hours at work between now and then, so it will not be the easiest thing in the world, but well worth the effort. Some projects are at the bottom of the priority list…cleaning out our storage unit, organizing the bathroom drawers, going through my desk drawers, but they are things that I want to finish in the next few weeks. I am continually going through my things and getting rid of what I don’t want/need anymore. There are so many things that I am attached to for no real reason and after the third or fourth sweep I finally get rid of.

I wish I was a better homemaker. I don’t need to be June Cleaver; I just wish I was better. I have never lived on my own (except in the dorms) so I never got to practice. I was looking forward to living independently, finding out about myself, coming and going as I pleased. I am not one to really live on my own, I need people, and I only wanted to do it for a little while. I was great in the dorms, I always had a welcoming room (though few friends to frequent my door) and healthy snacks and small meals. I organized my stuff and rearranged the room at least one a semester. I loved cleaning up my room as a way to avoid a paper and yet be productive. I now feel forced to clean, and enjoy it far less. I know once we get our things sorted and stored better that it won’t be overwhelming anymore. I want our place to be welcoming, though I don’t think it is or will be. We live in a nice apartment building for the price, and for a first place it really is far better than a lot of places, it’s just out of the way for most people. I wish we lived somewhere where people could just stop by. I wish we lived further in town. I am sure some of Adams friends are hesitant to stop by because I am his girlfriend and we have a baby. I wish that weren’t the case. I would love it if his friends came by and said hi, played video games here, watched football, or even come over for a nice dinner with us. I want my friends to come by too. I don’t have many, but I have a few, and I wish they would haunt my doorway (or however the saying goes.) This is something my parents never had, and my friends did….it’s something I have wanted to have/do for a long time. Hopefully someday soon.

I am starting to pack for the trip. Well…more accurately, I wrote a list a week or so ago, taped it to the wall between our bedroom door and R’s bedroom door and have been updating it, adding onto it, and glancing at it, slowly pulling stuff out and setting it aside. I have a small pile on a chair we never use in the living room, another small pile on the floor between R’s dresser and her crib. I am so excited to go and see everyone. Two of my moms sisters will be there, plus her parents, my dads parents and brothers live out there, I will hopefully stop by my old work, see some high school friends, A’s friend is invited to my graduation party and hopefully we will get a hold of him so he can indeed make it. I am looking forward to other people playing with R (“where’s your nose? I got your toes” gets old rather quickly…except for the smiles it brings out) as well as the change of scenery. I wish we could stay longer, but work calls.